Breathing Optional
by Bubbly88Tay
Summary: Living Required. A story of firsts. First time 'I love you's.' First time understanding. First time almost killing her lover.


**A/N: Hey guys, I have some BIG news for the fandom. We (Jay, Belle, and anybody else who might be interested) have decided that it's about time for us to start The Chicago PD Fanfiction Awards. I'm not going to say much more, however, if anybody is interested in knowing more, and voting or even voluntarily volunteering to help, that would be great, and you should contact me through a PM, or even Twitter. Please, we have so many amazing writers and readers in this fandom and they deserve to know that we support them. **

**Thank you, and enjoy this bad boy.**

**Chicago PD**

"Camera at the intersection of West 26th and South Federal Street caught Tyler. The son of a bitch decided to go for a leisurely stroll." Jay shouted, storming into the bull pen. He threw a folder down on his desk as he grabbed his jacket from off of his chair.

Tyler was Abel Tyler, a sociopathic killer who murdered Halstead's neighbor, and less than twenty four hours later, had busted into Jays apartment and broke everything that had any value.

Jay had heard loud, obnoxious, and out of place noises coming from the normally silent, college kid from the next door over. When he had went to check it out, he found her body, neck slit, lying in the kitchen naked. When he searched the rest of the house, Tyler had rushed Jay, and in doing so, Jay got a good look at the mans face. When Abel had seen the gun and badge, he had fled out the fire escape after he chucked a lamp at Jays head. Dazing him.

When he had sent the call out for the murder, Jay was of course the first on the scene and Erin wasn't sure she had ever seen anyone so driven, mad, or upset in her life.

When she and Jay had drove down to his apartment the next night, and found the place in shambles, Erin had watched as he ran straight for the closet, where the safe was that he kept the things that he held closest to him. He rifled through the contents, a few photos and a necklace, before he had taken a breath and let Erin know that nothing valuable had been taken.

Twenty minutes later of trying to find any clue as to who did it, Erin found a note taped to the underside of the flipped dining room table.

_'Detective Halstead, seeing as how you have seen my face, I am about to turn your life into a game. My name is Abel Tyler, and you better hope you can get me before I get to you.'_

Just before Jay had run into the bull pen with his findings, the team had been going through Abels records and anything else that could lead to the man, but the only thing they had found thus far was a photo.

Now they had a place.

"Live feed?" Erin asked as Jay knocked on Hanks closed office doors. The rest of the team was quickly checking clips before loading them into their guns and tucking them into their holsters.

"Yea." Jay bit out, zipping his jacket up as he turned away from the office and rushed back to his desk.

Voight had been working the politics of this case and hadn't been as involved as he would have liked, however, repeatedly throughout the day, he pulled Jay aside and had talked to the man. Something that Jay had really needed.

Hank rushed from his office hearing the conversation and watched as his team looked to him, waiting for directions. Voight thought over the options as he looked around the room at his detectives. All of the them run down, and haggard looking. Jay in particular had spent the night sleeping in his desk chair and it showed today.

"We catch this son of a bitch, breathing or not."

That was all the team needed as they rushed as a unit down the steps and too their cars.

_-_

"Do you see him?" Erin asked, peeling down another road that showed no signs of criminal life.

"Same answer as five seconds ago Lindsay. I don't see him and I don't see the guy he's chasing. Stop asking and I'll let you know if I do happen to spot him." Voight huffed as he continued to look for his other, equally impulsive, detective.

Jay had jumped from the SUV minutes before, deciding that they had a higher chance of catching the sprinting criminal if they had a car chasing him along with boots on the ground. Jay had never been huge on car chases. He would have much rather have been running than driving any day.

Moments after Jay had started chasing the man on foot, the two had disappeared down an alley. Erin and Voight both knew that when it came to this job, it was hard to beat Jay, but Erin had found it easier to be anxious over her boyfriend after sleeping with him.

It had been close to five minutes now, and there was still no sign of the pair. Erin suddenly drifted onto another road, the right turn sharp enough to send Voight smashing into the center council. "Damn it Erin, be careful!"

Erin turned to Voight, words on the tip of her tongue that would cut through Voight like a hot knife through butter, when she spotted movement out of the corner of her eye. She turned towards the road and smashed her hand against the horn and foot against the brakes, but it was all for naught. She felt the thud and heard the glass splinter and felt the tires run something over.

But it was too late.

All she could do, as the car finally came to a stop, was stare at the blood that trickled down the window in fat drops.

Jay followed the ruthless man out of the third random alley he had followed him into, and out into the road, finally grabbing the man's arms as they reached the center. He pulled the man closer to him, causing the criminal to tumble and fall to the ground on his knees.

Jay wasn't cognizant of the horns until the sound was coming from his immediate left. Whipping his head around to the sound, he was met by the grille of Voight's SUV.

Jau could feel his bones crack as his body connected with the speeding vehicle. The force of the truck sending him flying up into the bullet proof window, sending spiderweb cracks through the window at the point of impact. He stopped feeling any pain soon after that point, his brain sending his consciousness somewhere else. All he felt was a final thud and another crack before he finally decided that being conscious sucked.

Antonio slammed on his brakes, sending Ruzek's nose nearly crashing into the dashboard. He just about cursed the SUV that was driven by Erin, that had stopped so suddenly, but his jaw dropped as he watched Jay's body vault up and over the SUV. His body finally landing with a sickening thud in front of his own, halted, car.

Adam was the first out of any of the vehicles, everyone else's reflexes shunted by the shock of the sudden turn of events. Antonio came to his senses soon after and rushed out, but fell to his knees besides the bloody mess in front of him.

Jay was unconscious, and Antonio was positive that that might have been for the better. His face was a bloody mess, blood rushing from gashes and road rash. His body was crooked, like somebody had just hit it with a car. He was laying on his back, and there was a puddle of blood forming underneath him.

Ruzek had just unzipped Jay's jacket when Voight finally exited his own vehicle. He hardly spared the body that was sticking out from underneath the vehicle a second glance. Instead, he fell to his knees besides jays lifeless body. "Antonio, call a bus, Ruzek, help keep him still while I check him over for injuries."

"Voight, it's bad. It's like his chest is mush below my fingers." Ruzek provided, his voice shaking. Antonio whipped his phone from his pocket, walking over, past the mess in front of his car, and to the drivers side door of the SUV, opening the door and checking Lindsay over. Her hands were still holding down to the steering wheel as she watched the blood trickle down the windshield further still.

He clapped a hand on her arm reassuringly as the phone dialed and he began to speak into the mouthpiece.

He pretended not to notice the tears flowing down her face.

"Aw damn, Voight, man." Ruzek muttered as Hank pulled the knife away from what remained of Jay's shirt. A quick, executive decision which led Voight to just cut the shirt the rest of the way off instead of moving the man, had saved the two men time. Time they obviously could not afford to waste as they watched Jay's chest struggle to rise and fall. The breaths were gurgling in his throat, but he was hanging in there.

His chest was already bruised on his entire left side. The duo could see exactly where the grill had come into contact with Jay's body. The right side of his body seemed unharmed.

Besides that, the only other obvious injury, was the leg that was also on his left side, which Voight could see the bone just jutting out of the ripped pant leg.

"Antonio! Wheres that bus?" Voight yelled as a crowd slowly started to grow around the group.

"Not close enough, and we can't touch move him. His back, neck and head are an issue right now according to dispatch." Dawson called from the side of the truck.

Voight cursed under his breath and contemplated hitting something when he felt movement beneath his gently placed hands. He looked down at the slowly writhing form of the man below him as he carefully, but firmly place his hands against Jay's hips, keeping him lying on the pavement and preventing him from moving. "Jay? You with us?"

Jay, licked his lips sloppily before he peered through a cracked eye up at Voight. "No place I'd rather be sir."

Jay sucked in a ragged breath as the team stared at the dying form of their friend. "Where's Tyler?" He gasped, as the pain slowly began to ebb his senses again.

"Under my tires." Voight responded casually, as if they were having this conversation over coffee rather than a puddle of blood. Antonio slowly emerged from around the side of the vehicle at the sound of Jays voice.

"Dude. Why are you not dead?" Ruzek asked, his idea of comforting not exactly a proven method.

"Because, I don't know." His eyelids fluttered for a second as his next breath came out harsh and wheezy. "Where's Erin?"

"Antonio, tell her to come out. Tell her that he's not dead while you're at it." Jays eyes opened again as he tried to move again. "Stay still damn it. We have no clue what's going on inside you."

Jay stopped squirming when he heard that. "That bad huh?"

"Yes kid. Just don't tell Erin." Hank suggested carefully as he watched Erin fly out from around the vehicle as she sat down right next to Voight.

"You hit me. With a car." Jay coughed, blood trickling down his chin as the harsh breaths left his body. Erin said nothing as she grabbed his hand and held it lightly in her lap. "Not entirely sure how I managed to piss you off that badly." Jay joked.

"Im not sure either." She smiled lightly.

"Can we kiss?" Jay asked her, not letting his eyes shut as he stared up at his girlfriend. A confused expression flashed across Voight face as Erin smiled, tears carving their way down her face. She leaned forwards and pressed her lips against his, a light sigh coming from his lips.

Ruzek laughed and Antonio shook his head in disbelief. Voight wasn't sure how, but he didn't expect the gesture as he sat back on his heels, raising an eyebrow at the two. The teams mood seemed to lighten up until Voight noticed something.

"He's not breathing." Voight shouted as Erin's head shot up, looking at the closed eyelids that covered his blue eyes.

She began to shake her head as Antonio pushed Ruzek aside, feeling for a heartbeat as Voight pulled Erin. "Oh god, I killed him." She whispered as Voight shielded her view of Jay with his body, pulling her closely into his chest.

It was a sudden thing, her sobs. One moment she was whispering panicked into his chest, the next, she was shaking, and her body huffed with the sobs that racked her body.

Voight swore carefully as he heard the sounds of sirens finally over the sounds of Erin's sobs. Behind him, he heard huffs of breaths as rescue breaths were given to the man. He sneaked a peek as Ruzek ran out from behind the two vehicles as he parted a way through the growing, sympathizing crowd. Antonio wasn't pressing down on the mans chest, only giving him a breath every five seconds.

Finally, Ruzek was pulling a pair of paramedics behind him as they pushed through the crowd. The medics shot a glance at the body parts under the tires, but spared them not another look as they themselves kneeled next to Jay and took over for Antonio, sliding a tube down his throat and shoving breaths into his lifeless body.

It all happened in a blur, one moment, Jay was on the ground, the next he was in an ambulance as it sped away. Voight spared the retreating vehicle one last glance before he looked at the pitiful mess in front of him. "Erin. I have to stay here and wait for our responders to arrive. Catch a ride to the hospital with Ruzek."

"Where's Tony?" She croaked, avoiding looking anywhere other than the button that was clinging to Voight's shirt.

"He went with Jay."

"And Jay?" She asked, her bottom lip quivering as she bit down on it, closing her eyes.

"It's not good Erin, you saw what you saw, you know that." All Erin did in response was nod as Voight helped pull her to her feet. There was a slight tremor to her body that Hank could only detect if he looked very closely, and even then he wasn't sure if it was her emotions, or the adrenaline that the chase had pumped through all of their bodies. He looked around him, at the people that were muttering amongst themselves, and the news cameras that were setting up just outside of the crowd. He saw Ruzek leaning over the hood of the car, his palms resting tensely on the metal, his chest was heaving as he tried to suck in a breath, almost to the point of hyperventilation. Then Voight looked at the dead body of Tyler, the criminal sociopath Erin had run over.

"But it's Jay Halstead." Voight muttered the words ever so softly, as Erin's head shot up at the words. "And he's dating Erin Lindsay-"

"I really can't argue with you about that right now Hank." Erin started, but stopped as Voight scooped her hands up in his and held them in his own.

"No arguing Linds, not from me, and not right now. Just know that I know him, and I know you. He's not going to die because you two are the most stubborn people I know." Erin's eyes brimmed with tears again, this time, they held a glimmer of hope. "And I don't know why I thought it should be my decision, or why it should matter to me."

Voight knew that it was serious, but he also knew that Erin hadn't seen what he had seen, and there was still hope in her heart. "Do you love him?" He asked softly.

Erin looked him straight in the eyes, exchanging more meaning than words could have in that second. She was determined, and it was then that he knew that there was more going on between the partners than he had been aware about, and it had been going on for far longer that he would ever dream about.

With a final nod of his head, and he squeezed her hands reassuringly. "Then tell him."

It was in that moment that Voight gave his blessing.

!

Nine surgeries, eight resuscitations, seven sponge baths, six doctors, five cups of per day, four different visitors, three weeks, two DNR's thrown at her face, and one man kept alive by life support later, Jay was considered a lucky man. Yes, a tube was still shoved down his throat, and his nutrients were given to him through IV's, but Jay was finally, _finally, _stabilizing.

At least thats what Erin believed.

Doctors kept trying to tell her otherwise, but after the third doctor had requested she sign a DNR because 'he wouldn't be in pain anymore,' Erin had pretty much decided not to listen to the doctors. Hank would relay the information as she sat vigil at his bedside. At night, when it became apparent he wasn't yet going to wake, she would plop onto the couch and with the pillow and blanket the hospital had provided her with, she would fall into a restless slumber.

For whatever reason though, when she woke up this day, over three weeks after she had nearly killed her partner, hope fluttered in her chest. For the first time since he had woken that fateful day, three weeks ago.

No one else was in the white washed hospital room except for Jay. Her Jay, covered and kept alive by machinery and tubes.

The day that the doctors had finished up the first surgery, the surgery on his brain, they had warned her that there was a possibility that the Jay that she knew would never be the same. WIth the same breath, they had also told her that the Jay that she knew may never wake up again. They told her that he was comatose, and that there would be countless more surgeries fixing his leg, his pelvis, and the endless amount of organs that were bleeding in varying degrees.

It was hard for her to accept at first, but slowly, as the days went by, and more surgeries passed, and the outlook became greater, she realized that she didn't care, and that all she wanted was for Jay to wake up, and for him to be OK.

She wanted him to live.

She walked over to him, the pale pile of bones and skin as his chest raised and then fell mechanically. She glanced at the hand that for days, she had been scared to touch. It was only yesterday that she had finally struck up the courage to lay a light kiss on his cheek, and making sure he knew she was there. Sure, she hadn't stopped talking, leaving her throat raw at the end of the day, but she wanted him to feel something else. She wanted him to feel the intimacy that she held for him. The love.

She went to pick the hand up, but stopped as something caught her attention. Maybe it was the hitch in his breath that she had heard. It was a sound she hadn't heard in the last three weeks. The only noise that had come anywhere close had been when Jay had began bleeding in his lung for whatever reason, and the blood had come back up the tube, nearly choking him in the process. That particular instance had caused surgery number six.

Her eyes shot up to his face, panic etched her features as she began to reach for the call button. Her hand stopped, as well as her breathing, when she saw them.

His eyes were clouded, and they looked so tired despite the fact that he had just slept for three weeks. But they were blue, and just as she remembered them. They looked up blearily at her as she placed a hand on his cheek, being careful not to touch the tape that held the tube down his throat in place.

He startled slightly as he drew his eyes to her face. His eyes held a smile that his mouth didn't portray, and for the first time in three weeks, she smiled as well. "Hey babe. You're at the hospital, and they have a tube down your throat, don't fight it though ok?"

He blinked slowly in response.

"Whatever, but before you go back to sleep I want to tell you something." Jay blinked again, as she choked on her words.

"I love you."

Jays lips curled slowly as his eyes slid shut, but she felt his hand on her other hand. She looked down and saw him brushing his finger over her skin. It took her a moment to realize what he was doing, but by the time he had finished, and his hand collapsed beside him in exhaustion, she couldn't stop smiling.

He hadn't just been brushing his fingers on her hand, he had written something.

'_I love you too.'_

**A/N 1: So, I have a funny story about this story. I was prompted it, it took me, like, two weeks to write, and then BAM! It's finished. Then tragedy struck. **

**I forgot about it. Tragic, I know.**

**Which means, when I found it again, cried over how much I loved it, and then remembered that I did indeed finish it, I pretty much cried, Eureka.**

**So congratulations to me, and Hoorah to you. **

**And let me tell you something about next weeks episode promo. I saw it, and I nearly died. I'm so excited, and I shouldn't be because I know these showrunners. They are mean. And I know how they work. It's all an illusion. Funny. I know. Just ask Belle and Jay.**

**Thanks Jay, for looking this bad (literally) boy over, and to Belle for still being there. **

**Talk to you all later, and if you all decide that you want to be fantastic reviewers, than please leave me a review. Please. **

**~Tayler~**


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